disini tempat aku menyembunyikan diri

namun tak pernah aku merasa sepi,

karena aku disini tuk lindungi diri

tak pernah aku kira 

kalau aku akan terpana

kepada sosok yang buat pintu hati sedikit terbuka

rasanya aku ingin tertawa

ini semua bermula dari pertemuan kecil di canberra

ada cinlok di jogjakarta

until someone else comes

there is a special place in my heart for the ones who stick by me through the weakest and most vulnerable moments in my life. they have my biggest respect & trust, and these people have continuously inspired me to do better. i’m grateful to be sharing so many moments of joy with them, and many more of growth and pain it comes with. 

it’s been nothing less than beautiful to witness all of us grow with time. life is meaningful because i’ve been blessed and graced by the presence of these people. i pray and hope the universe give us a friendship of a lifetime and the opportunity to witness each other grow old and weary. 

thank you for existing, and, most importantly - thank you for being one of the biggest reasons to keep going. ❤️

it evolves

There’s been unwavering sadness that lingers around after covid, no one has been the same since. So much loss, grief, unpredictability. It’s opened our eyes that life is so fragile and everything can be taken away from you at any moment. As we’ve been adjusting ourselves back to normality, unfortunately the cruelty and horror of humanity continues. Advances of technology have given us the access to see and witness the horrors that are unfolding in other parts of the world. I had never felt more terrified, and small, and useless.

I’ve been having difficulty to see the good in anything, especially with the constant reminder of how evil we all could be. But what all this has done to me is destroy me from within. It’s done nothing good. I was swallowed whole. I had a session with a new counsellor today and she’s reminded me that I have to train my mind to be stronger, to be more resilient, to not be consumed by my thoughts - she couldn’t be more right about that. It’s a reminder to be soft, to be kind, to stay optimistic, to have faith and hope in the face of adversity.

I had a beautiful lunch with Margo earlier and we spoke about how collectively, as species, we’re leading ourselves into catastrophe and complete destruction. The ecosystem failing, how politics of the world are controlled and influenced by elite bloodlines, and how the entire wealth of the world is owned by very very small percentage of “powerful” people. But we’re only given one life, and we’re here, so we might as well try to make the absolute best of it. Live our best lives. 

Also found this on twitter and I love the message so so much. 

So today, I’ve made a promise that I will always live my best life, that I am going to create a future that is so beautiful. And as small as I am compared to this entire universe, I’m going to make my existence impactful, in however ways I could. And when I have to leave someday, I want to make sure I leave them a better place than when I found it. 

With love, 

25 yo who had a quarter life crisis xxx

the blessing that comes with newness: a profound feeling of enthusiasm. a clean slate. hope. 

ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚

 if there was someone else for you, then why did you linger here? we've said our goodbyes, but your eyes won't let me go. i can see it on your face, everything you have ever felt for me. my name is still written there, a trail in permanent ink, a transcript of the broken pieces of your heart.

they say loving something greater than yourself comes at a cost, but i didn’t fully understand it until i watched my love for them transforms itself into dust. it burns and burns and then flames swallow it whole. it is now forever lost, nowhere to be found.